When I was asked to write this blog post for Honey Bleu’s, I was immediately honored and simultaneously overwhelmed with curiosity on what in the world Parker thought I had to offer. I did what I always do in moments like this and turned to prayer.
As a mom to a 3 year old boy, I find myself turning to prayer multiples times a day. Prayer for the confidence to parent him correctly and gracefully that day. Prayer for extra patience for when he’s jumping off of a piece of furniture or giving me attitude that he most certainly got from his dad and not me. If you know us, you know the last statement is false. And an abundance of prayer in hopes that Christ will constantly remind me that He specifically picked me to be the mother to these specific children and gave me every tool that I need to raise kind, smart, wonderful, kingdom growers.
When we found out that the growing baby in my belly was a boy, I was terrified. There are pictures to prove it. I had no idea what I was going to do with a boy! I am as girly as they come - how in the world was I going to figure out monster trucks, dirt, bugs, etc.? I spent the remainder of my pregnancy picking out blue things, while I secretly longed for them to be pink. I had no idea what God was doing by giving me a son. But, on February 21, 2022, everything in His plan began to make sense. My heart grew in a way that I never knew was possible. The first time Halston looked at me, I knew God had given me everything that I never knew that I needed. Over the past three years, our bond has become undeniable. He may look identical to his dad, but he is a tiny version of his mom. We have spent the past few years truly growing up together. Learning how to survive together, day by day. When I didn’t know what I was doing, his little giggles or finger grabs were all of the reassurance that I needed to know that I was doing enough. And yes, I even learned how to play with monster trucks and to be okay with all of the dirt and messes. We argue hard but love even harder. He has taught me how to slow down and take in the little moments. He pushes my buttons, wears me out and makes sure my house is never quiet. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’ve learned that boys don’t do anything halfway, it’s all or nothing. This stands true for Halston through and through. He doesn’t do a single thing halfway - not the tantrums, not the cuddles, not the love.
Being a boy mom has grown and stretched me in ways that I didn’t know were possible. The experience of having a child that is so wild, yet sensitive, chaotic, yet loving - completely and constantly rocks my world. He pushes every boundary and tests every direction or rule he is given. Most days his dad and I look at each other and say, “how are we going to survive him?” But, in the midst of the exhaustion and constant worrying about if we're doing any of it right, he’ll crawl up next to us and whisper, “I love you, you’re my best friend.” His favorite place is home and he’s content being right by our side or hanging onto his dog, Kojack. He is everything good and crazy and the truest definition of being all boy. I cannot believe most days that he calls me mom and that I get to be his. I cannot believe that I was ever full of fear about the little boy that once grew in my belly.
And just when I thought God couldn’t throw us anymore curve balls, He walked us through a hard season of trying to give Halston a sibling. My husband and I spent the entirety of 2024 trying to grow our family with no success. We didn’t understand how we could conceive Halston so easily and then struggle so much the second time around. Secondary infertility was not something we ever imagined would be a part of our story, but it made us hold Halston tighter and cling to our faith more than we ever had before. On January 6, 2025, the blessing we had been waiting and praying for announced itself to me in the form on two pink lines. God remained so faithful and true to His promises to us! I couldn’t believe it, Halston is going to be a big brother!
Now here I sit, 8 months pregnant with his little sister. That’s right, I’m getting my girl! I
am over the moon excited for all things pink, the bows and the glitter. I rushed to paint the nursery and pick out all of her cutest outfits. But often I find myself wondering, “I’ve been a boy mom all this time, am I going to be good at being a girl mom too? At being both?” It’s funny how even when God gives us exactly what our hearts desire, we still doubt ourselves. I have grown so much in my confidence as a mother over these past three years and have full faith that even though the nights will be long, the days will be chaotic and the doubts will arise, God has prepared me for just a time as this. I can’t wait to see Halston show his sister all of his monster trucks and to plan out matching outfits for her and I. My heart burst at the thought of Merik having “his daddy’s girl’ that everyone always talks about. I often cry at the realization that I’m going to have a second tiny best friend. One to get my nails done with and take along on shopping days. A daughter.
I’m so thankful that God didn’t give me what I thought I wanted at the time. Knowing our daughter will grow up with a big brother is a blessing beyond belief. As sweet as life has been, I know it’s only about to get sweeter. We can’t wait to meet Halston’s little sister so soon! Being a mom to the wildest little boy and a tiny little girl that I’m patiently waiting to meet, is all of my dreams come true. Thank you, Jesus, for full arms and an even fuller heart. I hope to raise them to be someone’s friend, someone’s love, and someone who will move through the world praising your name! And to know they’ll always be my greatest accomplishment and greatest loves, alongside their dad. Getting to raise them is my greatest privilege and loving them is the easiest thing that I’ve ever done.